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My Prairie Schooner

FROM
Break Out: Finding Freedom
When You Don't Quite Fit The Mold
James R. Hasse

"The backward look behind the assurance
Of recorded history, the backward half-look
Over the shoulder, towards the primitive terror.
Not fare well,
But fare forward, voyagers."

T.S. Eliot
Four Quartets

The metal racks of my grocery cart bounced annoyingly every time it ran over a seam in the sidewalk as I pushed it to Old Main from my dorm that first morning of classes.

I had strategically placed my books in all four corners of the cart's basket, thinking that would cut down on the clatter. But, the fall air, quiet and heavy with dew, carried the clanking up and down the street.

Already that morning I had walked farther and faster down a street than I had ever gone unaided – without someone else beside me providing balance and protection against pedestrian and auto traffic. That was exhilarating.

Yet, I could feel the quick glances of curiosity from those walking to and from class on both sides of the street. The grocery cart, which included a metal baby seat, was so noisy on that crisp morning. It was drawing attention to my disability instead of helping me melt into campus life unnoticed, as I had unrealistically hoped.

I cringed as I rolled the cart over another crack in the sidewalk. My feet hopped uncontrollably as I leaned on the cart's handle bar and tried to keep up with the easy roll of the cart's hard, black wheels. I wanted to disappear into the bushes along the sidewalk.

Yet, pushing a grocery cart on a relatively flat campus in the prairie land of southwestern Wisconsin was natural for me. It provided me with balance and a convenient way to carry books. That was not readily apparent, though, to those I met and those who passed me on the sidewalk that morning.

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