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Random Reprisal, Rigid Ritual

FROM
Break Out: Finding Freedom
When You Don't Quite Fit The Mold
James R. Hasse

"Patience, that blending of moral courage
with physical timidity."

Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles

The other night I had a nightmare about patrolling the jungles of Vietnam.

No. I'm not a Vietnam vet. I haven't watched a Vietnam war movie since Platoon, and that was at least three years ago. And, memories of the nightly TV coverage of the war in Vietnam I witnessed 20 years ago have long faded.

Still, I found myself struck by the deep fear of knowing our enemies, full of revenge, were silently watching us (even though we couldn't see them), as we marched fan-like across a field flanked by thick jungle.

The fear of imminent death stiffened my legs so I could hardly walk. Yet, I was on the move, forcing first one leg and then the other in front of me through the grass. I knew I could fall with the very next step by tripping a land mine or triggering sniper fire from the flanks.

I didn't realize what this was all about until I had a chance to think about it that morning. Then, I knew.

I had walked down that same field of thick grass many times before. In some small way, maybe I have also known a tinge of what it's like to fear the random reprisals amid the rigid ritual of a military operation.

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