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BEYOND BOUNDARIES

FROM
Break Out: Finding Freedom
When You Don't Quite Fit The Mold
James R. Hasse

"I can endure my own despair, but not another's hope."

William Walsh, song

I placed my suitcase on the queen bed. The darkened bedroom was musty with the sea air I had come to associate with my week of vacation in the Bahamas. Thin bands of midday sun from the closed blinds hit the bedspread of orange, green and beige. It was a quiet, warm and inviting room. But, it was empty. I had to get out.

I shuffled toward the hallway without my crutches and grabbed at the wall for balance. I suddenly found myself sobbing uncontrollably -- and shocked at my lack of composure.

Jennifer, already in her swimsuit and thongs, came out of the bathroom.

"Carol should be here; Carol should be here," I unintelligibly repeated between deep sobs, revealing in one outburst the rage and the hurt I had buried during the previous two months.

Shame then enveloped my grief as I realized I was revealing what I had promised myself I would not tell Jennifer. All she needed to know I had already told her. I had someone cancel out on me for this year's week at my time-share unit in the Bahamas. She was free that week in February and had again agreed to be my traveling companion, like last year, to Nassau.

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