My Sister Sigrid and I

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How has your disability affected your relationship with a brother or sister?

Name: Astrid van Woerkom
Email: astridvanwoerkom@gymnasium-apeldoorn.nl
Date: 16 Nov 2002
Time: 16:01:56

Story

Mostly my 14-year-old, sighted sister Sigrid and I, being a 16-year-old blind girl, are just like all siblings: we have fun, we talk together, we sometimes quarrel etc. But in some ways I really think my blindness affects her life. I'm not independent at all - also in comparison with other blind teens - and moreover I'm really struggling with this 'special needs'. This means that I'm really afraid of asking for help, which doesn't mean that I don't make people help me: I don't ask, I say. I for example say I can't do this or that, while I actually mean to ask Sigrid to help me. Once she said that I was abusing her like a slave, which of course is quite a bad piece of critique to receive. I fully understand that it's quite annoying to have such a dependent, and furthermore blunt, sister, but how can I show?

Sometimes, from the other side, she's so extremely helpful. She's not unwilling anytime, but she's sometimes really gribbling about me ALWAYS needing EVERYONE and some other time she's sooo helpful, even too helpful. Once we had had a Dutch test which I had done quite bad because I didn't have enough time. Now that I have extra in tests which you have to read much for, my sister said: 'I'm going to tell your teacher that you need extra time.' So I said: 'No, I do it myself.' 'You won't do,' she said convinced. And I knew she was right, but I didn't want my YOUNGER sister to tell MY teacher about this. She didn't have to solve my problems, it were mine. Eventually by the way my father told my teacher, but that's my father. In situations like this I omstly completely lean on the helpfulness of everyone, but it was too childish to let her do this for me. Although I know myslef too well to think I would do such things myself, I don't allow Sigrid to do them for me. I think: so, if I don't address my teacher, then let things go wrong, it's not her concern, is it?

But we also have a 'normal' sibling-relationship. We have fun at school (she's on the same highschool as I) and at home and talk about politics (our common interest) and other things together. When my parents are angry with her or she has got a bad mark at school, Sigrid comes to me. And sometimes we argue of course. That however is mostly about my 'special needs'.

Sometimes it seems like Sigrid is my big sister instead of my younger sis. She is really more independent than I am and when my parents are going out she cares for me. That also means that she's telling me what to do, which is very annoying. Although she has to do the dishes then, it doesn't mean that she can teach me, because in that way I'm NOT less able than she. She for instance really loves to teach me about social skills and how important friends are, while I really know and I'm not this little girl who has to be taught what's social. On that times Sigrid seems to think that I'm mentally retareded, while I'm not and she knows real good.

Although we quarrel at times and I really think my blindness is ainfluencing her life, I mostly love her and hope she loves me too. I have never talked with her about what she thinks of my blindness (I think I should do once) so I can't know if this is right, but it's the impression I get.

My Sister Sigrid and I

Story

Last changed: October 20, 2003