HOME    text version of navigation bar

How has your disability affected your relationship with a brother or sister?

[ Break Out home | Contents | Search | Post | Reply | Next | Previous | Break Out story ]

Younger Sibling's Understanding

Name: Debi Lewis
Email: ExceptionalMama@aol.com
Date: 05 Oct 2000
Time: 23:28:22

Story

"When I Get Like Tucker..."

The first time I heard my son, Duncan, say this, he was only 3 years old. He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly. I was completely stunned. Duncan's older brother, Tucker (then 5), is handicapped, physically and mentally, due to prolonged anoxia at birth. He does not walk or talk. He cannot sit up without support or use his hands functionally. He is fed entirely by g-tube. He is nearly blind. (He is also a very happy child and extraordinarily cute.)

I had no idea that Duncan thought of his future in those terms. I didn't know quite how to respond. I told him as simply as I possibly could that Tucker had a very big "boo boo" when he was a tiny baby. That was why Tucker could not walk or talk or see or play like most other kids. He asked no questions. His attention turned elsewhere. Mine did not. I simply could not get it off my mind.

After a while, I came to realize that Duncan was not frightened about this future. He was not dreading the time "when I get like Tucker." I take great comfort in the fact that Duncan obviously sees Tucker's life as one not to be feared or pitied.

Duncan has said these words a few times in the past couple of years. The last time, many months ago, I gently explained that he would never "get like Tucker." He seemed neither disappointed nor relieved.

Whether to have more children after Tucker's traumatic birth and ongoing needs was never in question. What concerned us, however, was raising Tucker's siblings to care for him (and about him) without seeing him as a burden. Apparently, we're off to a good start.

Copyright © 2000 Debi Lewis. All rights reserved.

Last changed: October 20, 2003

[ Home | Contents | Search | Post ]

text version of navigation bar      Help us serve you better. Complete our quick survey.

Send mail to jhasse@jvlnet.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 1999 Hasse Communication Counseling. All rights reserved.