My disabilities: Mental illness, alcoholism, fibromyalgia etc.

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My disabilities:
Mental illness, alcoholism, fibromyalgia etc.

Name: Jeannie McGrath-Phillips
Email: markjeannie@olynet.com
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 03:01:55
Remote Name: 12.7.60.188
Remote User:

Story

Even as a small child I knew I was different....I had a lot of violent tendencies and I tormented animals..I had a lot of rage in me. Could it be because my mom had left me at the door of these strangers' house when I was only six...and never returned?

Later on....when I was fourteen years old... I discovered alcohol! Well...we go from there to my 21st birthday spent in an Oregon mental institution..where I was committed because of depression..I drank while there..with other alcoholics down in the tunnels connecting all the buildings....and it was there that I was introduced to pills!

When I returned home after three months..it was wonderful...now I had alcohol AND the nice calming pills! Three more times in the mental institution....four divorces.....my children taken from me...treatment in alcohol treatment centers..my alcoholism growing worse and worse... almost dying down on skid road in Stockton,Ca....35 years of mental health treatment and being diagnosed with everything BUT alcoholism (until 1984..when they diagnosed me ALSO alcoholic).

Finally I began to have some GOOD things happen in my life! I had stopped drinking in 1981 and no longer had the desire for alcohol. I married my 5th husband...a wonderful, kind and generous man who has never abused me in ANY way (as the other four did) eight years ago.

Four years ago I began to have lots of pain all over my body! the doctors said.."just arthritis.." "old age setting in...." I finally noticed the pain was not just in the joints but everywhere else...it got worse and worse until I went to a doctor who said:"It sounds like fibromyalgia..." I proceeded to study what this disease is..and what would help me the most to live with it..as there is no known cure.

I was sooo angry that I had finally found happiness and sobriety ... and had waited until my 50's to find it ... and now I had some stupid disease with no cure! I cried and cried and ranted and raved at God! "How dare you do this to me now at this late age?"

Now I have been diagnosed for about a year and 9 months and I have accepted it..peacefully. I no longer blame God or take my feelings and pain out on my husband. The flare-ups come seldom now because I try not to let things bother me so much...I try to get more sleep (which fibromyalgia people need more of) I try and eat right. I pray daily and have renewed my spiritual life...my soul is no longer in darkness.....I am happy and contented....I do NOT fight the pain WHEN it does come and it seems to be better.

I remain grateful for my sobriety...for my antidepressants which keep me sane....for everything I have been given..for the almost normal life I live today...I do have to live with the knowledge that my four adult children all have inherited my mental illness (as I did from both of my parents sides), as well as my two grandchildren...so I have talked with them and it is their choice whether they want to have children and pass it on down the line for generations..or not. I have accepted life on life's terms and not on mine.

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