I am not what I appear to be

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Name: Gary Roberts
Email: jg86@hotmail.com
Date: 27 Sep 2000
Time: 16:53:44

Story

Get ready. I want to tell you a few things. I am not what I appear to be. I am not the smiling, obliging person with a disability who you want to trot out at special times to display as the amazing, successful gimp. I am really tired of all the energy I use trying to help people like you be comfortable with me.

Looking out over the faces, your faces, I wonder, "Are they listening to me?" So, I shout, "Hey out there, can you hear me? Are you listening?" You start to shift around uncomfortably in your chairs, your eyes are everywhere but on me. I call out again, "Are you there? Are you listening to me?"

Over time, I have learned that you will sit and let me talk and later say among yourselves, "I did not understand anything he said. His speech is strange; I could not follow it."

Who are you to treat me as less than human? I deserve a little initial respect? I sense in the back of your head you are saying, "Ah, so what; he is just a cripple. We don't have to take him seriously. What can he do? Who is he anyhow?"

Many of you earn your living because I exist -- and others like me. You are here because there is funding for special services from the government. It is targeted to us but most of the funds go into your pockets and into your bank accounts. You say you help me and others like me, but do you really? Take a look at the disabled community -- our sorry state of existence and tell me again how greatly we benefit from what you all do. Most of people like me and others here live in poverty. Very few of us work in competitive employment. In contrast, most of you people are working in the programs set up to help us live fairly comfortable middle class or upper middle class life styles.

There is a minority of us who work along with you. A few of them are effective advocates for disabled people. Most of them recognize that the price they pay for being where they are is that they must keep their mouths shut and support the status quo.

I worked for many years in one of these programs targeted at the disabled community. I worked for the worse abuser of disabled peoples rights, a state department of rehabilitation services program. I busted my butt because I was committed to the concept and the purpose of the program. Then one day I lifted up my head and looked around me and was sickened by what I saw. I had existed with my head bowed and focused on my task alone, and, once I saw the bigger picture as it really was, it made me sick.

My intentions is not to condemn everyone. I know there are many good people out there. I am just sorry that they are dirtied by the programs they associate with. If you want to become angry with me, I welcome it because, if you are mad, maybe you are hearing me.

I want to see disabled people given power over their own lives and their own services so the can sit up to aide their inclusion into society. There is an obligation that goes with power. Disabled people will have to grow up and take risks. We have often been taught to blame others but, once we have real decision making, we must blame ourselves if we don't meet the goals in life we strive for. No more man children but adults in charge and proud of who they are.

Disabled people don't have the keys to their own chains. Many of us have been enslaved by a repressive educational system and by rehab programs. To allow many of us to enjoy freedom, we need others to assist us as advocates. Once you advocate you need to get out of the way and let the disabled person take charge. Extend a helping hand and then get out of the way and let the person go ahead with their own lives.

I have made it clear that I don't really like you very much. You make my life hard for me because you want me to confirm to norms that are alien to me or your own norms that you attempt to transfer to me. I can't hate you because you are my family. Each of us are part of a world human family, and we can't cut ourselves off from others.

If we can begin a dialogue, that is good and that is the purpose of this message here you are either hearing or reading. In closing, are you listening? Can you hear me out there?

I am not what I appear to be

Story

Last changed: October 20, 2003