The last seven months......

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What disability-related experience do you remember with particular amusement?

The last seven months ...

Name: Richard W. Maimin
Email: wheelchairracer@activist.com
Date: 03 Jun 1999
Time: 23:14:30
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(So no one gets confused right away, I fell on May 6th of last year and the following took place 7 months ago.) Now that we understand the time frame.

Seven months ago almost to the day, I was sitting in my favorite bagel haven, deciding how to end it all. Eat too many bagels, drink too much coffee, walk up to a stranger and insult his wife or mother and wait for the one-sided fight that would, of course, ensue.

Seven months ago, almost to the day, I almost lost my life. As I sat there in my trusted steed, my wheelchair, writing down the pros and cons of suicide versus the pain that my body was not being able to handle, I started writing gibberish. Nothing made sense to me, but Fibromyalgia can do that to you sometimes. At this point in my life, I was within its grasp. Before I realized what I was doing, my biography was appearing before my eyes. I had started 3 days before my injury at work and had come full circle to that day, 13 months ago. Day after day was being written, just like a diary.

Friends kept stopping by to say hello and to ask how I was feeling. Please, don't ever ask me that question, should we ever meet. It is a stupid question. I am confined to a wheelchair for life, so how do you think I feel, you moronic son-of-a-something. I told them I was either going to kill myself that day or continue writing my biography. "Hey, glad to hear you're feeling better, how is your mother these days? Well, I'll let you go back to what you are doing; good seeing you again though. Say hello to mom for me."

It was at that point that writing my biography was definitely going to be funnier than putting a double-barrel, side-by-side in my mouth and hope for the best: that I would not miss or something.

Life is absolutely more fun, pain or not. I have been on 240 mgs. of morphine daily for 10 months now, and it doesn't work to kill the pain. I think the 60 mg. of Prozac is countering the effect of the narcotic.

At the bagel place, I have my own seat, at the head of a long table, with a reserved sign on it, entitled, "For the man who will either kill himself today or finish his biography." It has become a funny and it keeps me laughing. "This space is reserved for the man with the shotgun and the notebook". The place is packed every weekday. People love blood and gore.

As I sit there jotting down notes on where my life has led me since my fall at work, along with the babies in the background being babies and making baby sounds and listening to the spoiled rich little bitches with their Volvos and Mercedes parked out front, I am definitely going to finish this book. I would be missing too much insanity if I left now. Besides, I have only gotten to the half way mark of the past 13 months and the summer is only starting. Waiting until the mommies have had it up to their wassoo with the screaming and the "I want a hot dog" crap coming outta their kids' mouths every five minutes should provide me with enough background material that my biography might outlast the past year since the fall and continue with sequels published every 2-3 months. Can ya dig it??????

I just ordered my new racing wheelchair, what with a half marathon in Sept. and a full marathon in Nov. to look forward to and all the training in between chapters and the pain management clinic (the nut house), the therapy rehab clinic, monthly doctors visits, court hearings concerning my workers' compensation case, my reserved seat at the head of the table, the babies spewing something green and yellow at me every couple of minutes -- my life is definitely going to be a winner, pain or not. I may never be able to work again or drive again or make love to that cute little bunny I mention at the end of this, but I will absolutely die laughing at the world and all the nut cases out there. Should have been a shrink. I wouldn't have made any money though because I wouldn't be able to stop laughing at their idiotic, moronic, lonely, depressed, sexless stories. Who is screwed up more, the shrink or the patient? Think about it. Peace.

I do have a gripe though. If I am going to stay around for awhile, then I want a cute little bunny with a red ribbon tied to her tail waiting for me at home every night.

Íàòÿíóòü íà õóé

Name: ajohnsys
Email: board@nsys.ws
Date: 08 Mar 2008
Time: 20:15:00
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Let's get acquainted...

Name: Anomonigodoge
Email: jessikab@bk.ru
Date: 29 Mar 2008
Time: 15:58:54
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Name: qtuauwmpj
Email: qdzgpa@lthyhc.com
Date: 01 Apr 2008
Time: 15:45:19
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iopqje

Name: iopqje
Email: iopqje@gmail.com
Date: 03 Apr 2008
Time: 17:12:03
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Âåëèêîëåïíàÿ ïîäáîðêà ñàéòîâ

Name: abacakov
Email: oleg@computer24.ru
Date: 06 Apr 2008
Time: 05:52:36
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Name: Tracrosse
Email: abandanae@narod.ru
Date: 12 Apr 2008
Time: 11:11:08
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