Finding Love

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Finding Love

Name: Tamar Magenta Raine
E-mail Address: Joy209@aol.com
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 13:28:41
Remote Name: bppp38.jvlnet.com
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My mother did not give birth to a child with cerebral palsy; I was born perfectly normal. However, I did sustain brain damage as an infant while I was ill with Jaundice due to Rh blood incompatibility. Cerebral palsy is brain damage to the central nervous system. Most of the time it does not interfere with a person's intelligence or emotional responses.

Growing up disabled was difficult, but like any other child I had good days and moments of joy and elation, as well as the frustrations and struggles. I have lived a full life. It's not the end of the world to be disabled -- life is what you make it, and I have tried to make the most of mine.

I've come to see that this life is teaching me something about patience, compassion, understanding. I have learned to look beyond the physical body and get to the core of humanity within, some call this the Inner Self. In a sense the cerebral palsy has been a gift.

A gift? You must think I'm nuts. It is a different concept certainly, but it is true that suffering is a great teacher of compassion. And since people can't readily understand my speech, I've had to develop patience in repeating myself, or finding other ways of communicating. I've developed a will to live my life as fully as possible and if that includes falling in love, so be it. I'm just like any other young woman. I have all the same passions and desires. I have a need to be loved as well as a need to give love and to share my life with someone special.

Finding someone special is difficult, how many people will even take the time to talk to me and get to know who I am? How many will take a chance--how many can see beyond the physical problems? How many can see my gifts, my potential? How many people can truly accept me as I am? Very few, and even fewer are the ones I will trust my heart to. I'm not just looking for a lover, but for the qualities I like; a friend...

Our popular music proclaims that a woman without a man is like a brownie without a glass of milk. It says that being alone is a terrible thing, that life would be so great if only he loved me. We are brainwashed into believing we’re nobody without a mate.

I had the living Grace of a spiritual teacher in my life at one time. He taught me to love myself, and showed me that I was a worthwhile person. I tried to follow the spiritual ideal of having no worldly desires, but in the end, I questioned the benefits of celibacy. I found my life stagnating after a decade of chanting and meditating for countless hours each day. When you eliminate desires, there’s nothing to strive for, except perhaps some insane mystical ideal that nobody can possibly live up to, not even the teacher who turned out to be a pedaphile. I did however, learn to find my own source of inner strength and joy.

We think that happiness comes from others. We think we need somebody to give us that love which we are so hungry for. In truth, happiness and love come from within ourselves. However, it's downright human, and perfectly normal and healthy to want to be loved, to want to share our life with somebody special. What isn't so healthy is when we don't love and respect ourselves, when we don't feel complete without a mate. In his book THE FAMILY, John Bradshaw, a noted authority on dysfunctional families, talks about the myth of the "better half" saying, "…As we already know ½ + ½ = ¼, and two incomplete people cannot make a relationship. A good relationship demands that there be two whole people who choose to be in the relationship and know that each can live without the other."

In 1985 I met somebody who seemed interested in me and who also had all the qualities I was looking for. He was a very sweet man who flirted with me a lot and I loved him dearly. Our friendship ended when he left the area to live with a girlfriend I didn't know he had until the end.

I just wanted to give him everything I could, wanted to be friends until the end of time. I cried a lot that spring. At times it felt my heart would break; my heart did break open - to the pain of the true humanity. But, in all my pain, there was something deeper and stronger sustaining me. I had to go very deep within my own being once again and discover my own love, find my own center, my own strength. And this is what we all must do before we look to others for love. The inner strength is actually the awareness of our own inner source, our own power of love, our compassion.

If we want to know and love others, we must first know and love ourselves in the deepest sense. By loving ourselves as well as the Inner Self of all, we can love others much more fully and deeply than we normally experience. To help us evolve and grow, we must go through certain processes, and learn the lessons of true love and compassion.

Falling in love is mysterious. One day you see somebody and boom, you think you are "in love." The truth is that what you are responding to is a reflection of your Self. The other person may or may not feel the same way, right? It's all in your own consciousness that this love is taking place. The other person hasn't yet crystallized in your mind as "real" but then as you get to know this person, you start seeing the quirks, the habits, things you don't like, and you're not "in love" anymore. But, you can go on loving the person and not just the fantasy. You can love people for who they really are; sweet, funny, creative, you can even love them if they become depressed, even if they do outrageously silly things. If they hurt you, just move on, find others to love, and do not seek revenge for revenge destroys love, your love. Kerry may not have wanted to marry me, but that is okay. In subsequent years, I found other men who did.

Each of us have gifts, each of us is unique. We have to find that person who loves our uniqueness, and who is able to deal with our quirky habits and phobias, our allergies, or our physical disabilities. It takes time sometimes, to find ways to deal with various things, so be patient, work with your new found love on the problems. Remember what it was that first drew you together. It may not work out after all, but give it time, give it the best you’ve got. You can always find somebody else who thinks you are a precious drop of sunshine.

Re: Loving My Disability

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Finding Love

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