Time to open the bottle!

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From: Gloria Collicutt
Email: gcollicutt@sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Feb 2000
Time: 06:13:49
Remote Name: proxy1-external.pr1.on.home.com
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Story

I have MS. For 10 years now, I dared not tell my family how scared I was as the MS progressed. I dared not burden them when I was in pain, or feeling depressed, or the anger of what was happening to me. Why? Because I was brought up to not burden others, to be strong, always on that pedastal. Well! I didn't ask to be put there, even when I married.

Now comes the time, with my MS chronically progressing, that I must open up that bottle and let out all those feelings. I have no self-esteem left, I panic when I go to sleep at night that the next morning things will be worse. I cannot talk to my Dad or sisters as, for so many years, they have seen this strong person.

Last night I ended up in our local Emergency Hospital because my right side, face, arm and leg had gone into spasms. I would not call my daughter (who would have been there in a flash), nor would I call my husband home from work. Instead, I called a cab which took me to the hospital, where I sat in that emergency room in a wheelchair for 2-1/2 hours, alone, with people staring at me. Finally when I was called to go in to see a doctor, I tried to tell the nurse I was scared...but either she did not understand my garbled speech or choose not to assure me I would be okay. I waited another hour in there and finally was seen by a doctor.

The doctor was very compassionate. But as he explained he was just a GP and did not have alot of experience with MS, so all he could do was give me something to relieve the pain and simmer the spasms...and I was sent home. So, this morning when I awoke and calmed down my shaking body, I first called to make an appointment with my neurologist, then called a physiologist that I had seen some 5 years ago.

Later tonight my daughter called ( as she does every night after work) and I told her what was going on. To my surprise, she already knew that I was very down, etc., but the words she said were "Mom, if I had went ahead and made those appointments for you, you would have been mad at me, because you are too stubborn for your own good". I tried to explain to her that I did not want to be a burden, etc., but actually -- as she explained -- I had become a handicap to myself.

Yes! People will stare, and Yes! I will feel that some of the medical staff are not really concerned with how I feel mentally ...but I have to take care of that myself. I can no longer keep the lid on the bottle. I can no longer shield my pain and depression from my family. I need help and support, which they will gladly give. So, with God's help to give me strength and courage, and help from the medical field, hopefully, I will feel somewhat better, at least about who I am and accepting that. I need to close the chapter on what I looked like before, and the things I could do before. Inside of this painfully crippled body, is the same me as before.

Thank you for listening to my story...it has been long overdue. Please keep me in your prayers. Sincerely, Gloria.

JeyZee

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From: PUhQDyMvl
Email: Tina@gmaill.com
Date: 06 Apr 2008
Time: 05:24:44
Remote Name: 222.124.200.212
Remote User:

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Aaron

From: Unknown
Email: maxiresa7@gmail.com
Date: 08 Apr 2008
Time: 05:36:11
Remote Name: 221.114.164.21
Remote User:

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Aron

From: Unknown
Email: mannuytas@gmail.com
Date: 08 Apr 2008
Time: 22:10:53
Remote Name: 61.180.239.250
Remote User:

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Sasha

From: Unknown
Email: sretr@gmail.com
Date: 09 Apr 2008
Time: 16:37:50
Remote Name: 202.115.194.91
Remote User:

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From: Illugslog
Email: astomsbeeta@mail.ru
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