SEARCH 1,000
stories, 75 discussions |
|
ARCHIVES | BOOKS | CRITERIA | DIGEST | HOME | LINKS | MAP | MISSION | ONGOING DISCUSSIONS | RULES |
|
HOME text version of navigation bar
SEARCH 1,000
stories, 75 discussions |
|
ARCHIVES | BOOKS | CRITERIA | DIGEST | HOME | LINKS | MAP | MISSION | ONGOING DISCUSSIONS | RULES |
|
When has your type of disability made a difference in how others have related to you?
[ Ragged Home | Contents | Search | Post | Reply | Next | Previous | Ragged Story ]
Name: Sharon E. Smith
Email: Smith-Merritt@worldnet.att.net
Date: 11 Mar 1999
Time: 19:37:39
Remote Name: 189.portland-11-12rs.or.dial-access.att.net
Remote User:
I was in an automobile accident when I was 22 years old. That was 7 and 1/2 years ago now. During the accident I sustained a head injury, which subsequently lead to severe inner ear damage. After all the bruising healed, it was very difficult to explain to people about my disability because it was "invisible" to them.
I want to share with you several paragraphs from the book that I wrote about "How to Respond" to others when you have an "invisible illness:"
I know that it is a long lonely road out there for people who have visible disabilities. There are many obstacles to overcome. People tend to stare, and can be rude. Sometimes I experience those reactions when I am walking with my cane. It can make a person feel very old and vulnerable. My cane makes it apparent that I have a disability, but many times I appear quite normal.
Some of the hard things that occur with an illness that can't be seen are the same as for those that can. Everything takes a lot of energy, most people can't and don't want to understand the depth of the disability, and you are constantly wondering what to tell people if they ask you about what happened. Do they really want to know, or do they want a positive, simple answer?
The invisibility of some illnesses such as mine causes some unique problems. If you appear normal and healthy, people think you ARE normal and healthy. People are more likely to perceive you as lazy if you aren't constantly doing something. They expect you to be able to do what they can do. Even after you explain your limitations, they may forget about them because you look normal and are doing a good job of masking your symptoms and discomfort.
Sometimes I am tempted to tell strangers something totally different than what the truth is. If they ask, "Did you hurt your leg?", sometimes it's easier and better just to say yes, rather than explain the real story. I think this is okay sometimes, if, for no other reason, than to give yourself a chuckle.
I am not usually one to go around complaining and sometimes I don't assert myself. I carry too much, physically or mentally, because I don't want to explain again what I am not able to do and also because I want to do some things I can't. It's tough to know who to tell things to, how much to tell them, and how often they need to be reminded. You don't want to nag them, but you also don't want to keep hurting yourself by not saying what your limitations are. That is something I think that everyone has to figure out for themselves. Decide which people you feel comfortable divulging your complicated story to. Give others just a brief explanation and leave it at that as you probably won't see them that often. Or, as I do, keep them apprised of your situation in an annual holiday card. That way, they know what and how you are doing, in general.
A common question people ask me is, "How would you like people to react to you, and what sort of questions would you prefer people to ask, so that they don't appear rude?
The type of comments that are usually annoying are suggestions on what I should do or how I should cope with what I am going through. Most people have no idea of what my situation is. People who tell me to go to this doctor or that healer, or to eat watermelons for two months (because that helped their twice-removed cousin by marriage when they were sick) are annoying to me -- mostly because the person hasn't taken the time to find out what my situation is, and also because it seems as though they have not thought before saying something.
Comments such as, "You are so lucky you don't have to work like the rest of us," or "I would love to stay home all day and do whatever I want instead of going to work," or "You are so lucky you get to do crafts and fun things all day," imply that having a disability or illness is fun and that the disabled really CAN do what they want when they want to -- which is generally not true. "Why don't you..." questions, and "You should try...," and "My friend did...and it really helped...," comments assume that I am stupid and have not thoroughly looked into treatments and ways to deal with my illness. The people making these comments assume that I am lazy or have given up, and that I know less about my situation than they do, which is usually far from the truth.
I would much rather have someone say, "I don't know if this is relevant to you, but have you tried...?" I don't mind people asking questions so that they understand things better, such as: "What happened to you?" or "Why are you walking with a cane?" or "What are your symptoms like?" because this type of question conveys that whoever is speaking is concerned about me. I do mind unsolicited suggestions: people telling me what I should watch, what I should eat, that I should get out of the house more (these are usually the people who rarely, if ever, offer to take me anywhere), or which doctor is just the right one for me.
Instead of advice, for example, I'd suggest you offer the disabled person something more useful: "taxi service" for an errand or a day, help with cleaning or household chores, a home-cooked meal or dinner out, a letter or "care package" in the mail or a surprise visit or phone call.
Copyright © (1998) (Sharon E. Smith). All rights reserved.
Web page: http://home.att.net/~Smith-Merritt
Name:
Email:
Date: 19 Feb 2008
Time: 02:59:53
Remote Name: 198.54.202.82
Remote User:
Buy Gemeric Cialis Online http://www.unicef.org/voy/discussions/member.php?u=43261 - Acomplia Rimonabant - http://www.unicef.org/voy/discussions/member.php?u=43263 - Buy Levitra Online - http://www.unicef.org/voy/discussions/member.php?u=43265 - Generic Vardenafil
Name: pkqdpbtpjwl
Email: efkveb@uxdsrg.com
Date: 04 Mar 2008
Time: 11:12:08
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
gKkyvI <a href="http://jmwfkoibgfiu.com/">jmwfkoibgfiu</a>, [url=http://qbweqvqogwjv.com/]qbweqvqogwjv[/url [link=http://jljsqgwydeea.com/]jljsqgwydeea[/link http://fspyapanxuch.com/
Name: udxcmrvz
Email: qftisv@orkxgo.com
Date: 09 Mar 2008
Time: 01:22:17
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
wrOiFy <a href="http://crhnelrsonln.com/">crhnelrsonln</a>, [url=http://bccsgevklgar.com/]bccsgevklgar[/url [link=http://bthuedeigntt.com/]bthuedeigntt[/link http://rgyyicygkwlm.com/
Name: rskrhthr
Email: pksivr@ovpkqp.com
Date: 01 Apr 2008
Time: 16:15:18
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Ge9hU6 <a href="http://rjtpufikqwfz.com/">rjtpufikqwfz</a>, [url=http://dfrayctnhwsu.com/]dfrayctnhwsu[/url [link=http://hzgrafzhgcld.com/]hzgrafzhgcld[/link http://bydvdthljnpm.com/
Name: petr
Email: delta@gagmail.com
Date: 02 Apr 2008
Time: 13:41:29
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Nise site., http://www.couchsurfing.com/people/buy_tramadol Order Tramadol hznvkb, http://us.cyworld.com/PHENTERMINE_ONLINE Generic Phentermine 8OO, http://www.glee.com/Xanax_online/ Xanax hyule, http://www.glee.com/Tramadol_online/ Tramadol Online >:), http://my.mediapost.com/buytramadol Online Tramadol nmwlri,
Name: oleg
Email: omega@gagmail.com
Date: 05 Apr 2008
Time: 12:41:28
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Nise site., http://www.blackplanet.com/Xanax_online/ Xanax gdiqy, http://www.couchsurfing.com/people/buy_tramadol Order Tramadol >:O, http://www.glee.com/Tramadol_online/ Order Tramadol 825, http://forum.torrentreactor.net/member.php?u=19953 Buy Phentermine 903179, http://profiles.aim.com/tramadoler Online Tramadol pnvop,
Name: ivan
Email: sigma@gagmail.com
Date: 05 Apr 2008
Time: 20:23:51
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Good job., http://my.mediapost.com/phentermineonline Phentermine 609499, http://www.blackplanet.com/Phentermine_online/ Generic Phentermine ftflq, http://www.couchsurfing.com/people/buy_cialis Buy Cialis Online 689425, http://my.mediapost.com/buytramadol Ultram 75392, http://www.youtube.com/HermanWoodsx Xanax >:-[[,
Name: oleg
Email: pinta@gagmail.com
Date: 07 Apr 2008
Time: 07:57:33
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Good job., http://forum.torrentreactor.net/member.php?u=19952 order Viagra vdhod, http://profile.imeem.com/y04S1Ue/blogs/2008/04/07/kMZoqZfg/cialis_buy_cialis_buy_cialis_online Cheapest Cialis 831, http://my.mediapost.com/viagraforlowestprices Cheap viagra xzx, http://www.youtube.com/KevinHollis2 Cheapest Cialis 6893, http://us.cyworld.com/Buy_XANAX Buy Xanax 5518,
Name: egor
Email: delta@gagmail.com
Date: 07 Apr 2008
Time: 18:43:42
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Best Wishes!, http://www.ps3forums.com/member.php?u=75732 Cheap Tramadol >:-OO, http://www.asianave.com/Phentermine_online/ Phentermine :]], http://www.britney.com/buy-cialis-lowest-prices-bonus Buy Cialis 321, http://www.blackplanet.com/Buy_Cialis/ Cialis =[[, http://profiles.aim.com/henryowenv order Viagra >:-(,
Name: ivan
Email: delta@gagmail.com
Date: 08 Apr 2008
Time: 21:45:32
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Best Wishes!, http://www.ps3forums.com/member.php?u=75727 Buy Viagra online 85972, http://my.mediapost.com/buyphentermine Phentermine 8OO, http://www.youtube.com/PaulTaylort Tramadol jsao, http://www.ps3forums.com/member.php?u=75729 Cialis Online 19287, http://profiles.aim.com/cialiso Cialis kvtdxp,
Name: ivan
Email: delta@gagmail.com
Date: 09 Apr 2008
Time: 15:47:15
Remote Name: 195.225.178.21
Remote User:
Thank You!, http://www.asianave.com/Phentermine_online/ Generic Phentermine :PP, http://www.glee.com/Cialis_Online/ Cheapest Cialis 74819, http://www.asianave.com/Tramadol_online/ Buy Tramadol zojosl, http://forum.torrentreactor.net/member.php?u=19953 Phentermine =]], http://www.profileheaven.com/James.Waiters Phentermine >:),
Last changed: April 09, 2008
text version of
navigation bar Help us serve you better. Complete our quick survey.
Send mail to jhasse@jvlnet.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 1999 Hasse Communication Counseling. All rights reserved.
Name:
Email:
Date: 16 Feb 2008
Time: 02:46:11
Remote Name: 198.54.202.82
Remote User:
We have been reading a lot about this story, and your illustrated talk made it all come alive for us. Acomplia >> http://groups.google.com/group/acomplia-buy Viagra Alternative >> http://groups.google.com/group/alternative-viagra Buy Cialis >> http://groups.google.com/group/buy-cialis-online Stanford >> http://www.stanford.edu Celexa >> http://groups.google.com/group/buy-celexa Buy Propecia >> http://groups.google.com/group/propecia-buy Buy Zoloft >> http://groups.google.com/group/zoloft-buy Order Viagra >> http://www.chaco.gov.ar/meccyt/subsecyt/_act1/00000353.htm Generic Viagra >> http://www.chaco.gov.ar/meccyt/subsecyt/_act1/0000060b.htm
