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How have you bridged the gap between being included but still feeling left out?

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The adventure of gaming

Name: Shelley Miller
Email: gkhan13@webtv.net
Date: 11 Feb 2000
Time: 21:20:30

Story

As a hobby, I play Dungeons and Dragons. I should say I've only been actually playing it for a few months. I've known about the game for years. My parents were worried about my being lured into devil worship etc. etc., even though they had bought the game for my older brother.

I game on-line. It's better that way. That way they can see me as the character I play, not as a person in a wheelchair. I did tell my fellow players about the wheelchair because that affected my access to the game. Whereas many have been gaming since their childhoods, I didn't have that option because it's quite hard to get one's chair in the door when they're playing over at someone's house. I didn't start playing until I was in my twenties. That's a big gap. But my fellow players (the ones who are worth knowing) have been wonderful. A couple even have disabilities themselves.

I have missed out on a lot of things because of this social isolation that always seems to be there. No sleepovers; I never heard of a prom. Marriage is out of the question. All my friends just seemed to move away and disappear. Those few who were left my parents didn't like because they were scared that I would be exploited somehow.

I don't feel I belong in the outside world, where I see more walking people than disabled. I don't feel I belong among the disabled people, either. The ones I know have a lot more confidence in themselves and are doing something with their lives, while I am still struggling with how to be happy with myself, let alone "loving my disability" (if that includes loving my scoliosis, then I'm the queen of England, since my spine collapsed twice in my teenage years). I accept it. That's as far as it goes. Most twenty-something people don't have the worries I have about not being able to get into places and the like. Add to that mix a case of clinical depression, where one already has the urge to isolate, and you get the picture.

I may rent my own place and pay the bills like everyone else. I'm still "out."

Last changed: October 20, 2003

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