The Challenge of Being a Parent with Disabilities

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Name: Melanie Harris
Email: mommamel1@hotmail.com
Date: 29 Mar 2002
Time: 01:40:28
Remote Name: cacheflow.itlnet.net

Story

Being a parent is difficult. Being a single parent is doubly hard. However if you add having a disability to being a single parent, you have fodder for genuine character development (for you and your child) and strong mutual bonds that blossom of love and support.

I was 28 when I had my gorgeous son. I had just divorced my husband and was working at a low paying social service position.

Being a pregnant amputee was a world unto itself. Getting up out of chairs or the bed could be quite comical. Thank goodness I was single and nobody saw the beached whale trying to rise (haha).

However, back to the story...I was enthralled with my son when he was born. What a miracle to happen in MY life. I felt so happy and proud. I thought and still do, that it was the greatest experience of my life. Feeling so chesty, I called my parents to share the joy. My parents however were not happy. They hadnt been happy all during my pregnancy. They felt that a disabled person shouldnt have sex, and horrors....have a child. They felt life was too difficult for me already and how was I going to take care of someone else who would be dependent on me. They nagged me the whole nine months to give the child up or have an abortion. This was very hard to swallow. You see my folks had attended my brother's childrens birth. Every time one of his kids sniffled they drove 6 hours to get to my brothers house. I however never even received a birth present, much less emotional, physical or financial support.

As a side note, my sons father was not in the picture, nor his family. I had found out the hard way they were drug users and hustlers. I wanted no support of any kind from them.

Anyway, I was devastated my folks wanted me to give up my own flesh and blood....this beautiful child with a smile that could light the darkest room. My heart broke not just for me, but also for my son, knowing that he would never have the loving grandparents he deserved.

The only thing that kept me going was looking into those big brown eyes and seeing the love he emenated. I knew as a parent I did not want to receive welfare, so as soon as I could I started working two jobs to support us.

It was extremely hard, never to have a break or any family support. There were times I was so tired from working two jobs and staying up late with my son's colic that I thought I would never make it to his next birthday.

The next big challenge in raising my son was from the Department of Human Services. In the 60s they felt that a disabled single woman could not adequately raise a child. I fought them with a vengence and finally after a long battle, I persevered.

Over the years we grew closer and closer. My son, Walter, got into fights defending me in the playground from kids who made fun of my disability. He was proud of me, even when he was in kindergarten. He is still my champion.

Raising Walter, I felt as a disabled woman was difficult. Since I was on crutches I had to invent new ways to transport and care for him. It also encouraged him to crawl and walk at early ages.

Walter became sensitive to being helpful At the ripe age of 4 he used the Radio Flyer wagon I had given him not only as a play toy but also as a vehicle to help mommy by carrying groceries in and the trash out. He begged to learn how to sweep in a few years and wanted to dust and vacuum to help.

I think he understood at an early age what a struggle we faced. There were times when all seemed doom and gloom to me and I would try to hide my tears. My little man's radar however could detect my tears at a hundred yards. He would come in, wrap his little arms around me and pat my back then tell me "Everything will be alright mommy. I love you".

Be prepared for your child to be teased at school and on the playground. Kids can pick up another's vulnerabilities with uncanny ability. Walt was heckled each time he went to a new school. I had many conversations with him regarding how to deal with these situations. Now even to this day (and he is 20) he is very protective of me and ready to defend me from thoughtless or prejuidical people.

From the age of 12-15, I thought the aggravation he caused me would kill one of us...it didnt. He ran wild on me. He skipped school, hung out with undesirables and drove me crazy. I honestly thought one of us was not going to make it past puberty.

When Walt finally started coming back to humanity, I was elated. He still is not perfect but I am extremely proud of him.

My main point I am trying to establish is that being a single disabled parent requires lots of determination, creativity, stamina and lots of love. The government, society and sometimes your own family will work against you, meaning well, but not achieving it. This is a serious undertaking and should not be taken lightly. It is a committment you make for a lifetime and your heart will be broken time and time again by family, society and your child. You must be resilient and do whatever it takes to provide for the welfare of your child.

Before you have a child talk to as many disabled parents as you can. Gain knowledge by listening to others then form your own child rearing practices. It is a hard long road but with lots of love and stamina you can enjoy the greatest gift there is -- the love of a child. Now I have raised my son, I am looking forward to watching him raise his own.

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Name: Justin
Email: gloria@gmail.com
Date: 14 Jun 2008
Time: 22:22:34
Remote Name: 72.232.95.158

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Re: On A Dime

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Date: 16 Feb 2008
Time: 01:34:12
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