Bittersweet memories

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Name: Codrin Ciubotaru
Email: ihcdc@mail.dntis.ro
Date: 02 May 2003
Time: 06:33:42

Story

I could never understand if this small story of mine really fits the theme of lost relationships. Guess I’ll let this to your judgement. And please don’t laugh, cos’ it might sound pretty pathetic to most of you. Well, here goes nothing. I am what could be seen as a rather old guy (31), specially if we look from my disease’s perspective (Becker Muscular Dystrophy). Old and wise ?! Hum, this is a different question all together, since I feel like being stuck forever in my teens. But I digress. It’s about a girl (like DUH) that I’ve first met in the hot summer (like summers usually are here in Romania) of 1988. Two years older than me, elegant, rich and (of course) beautiful. Being close to a woman wasn’t exactly my domain of expertise. I don’t know about you, but I was nurturing at the time a ferocious inferiority complex. Disabled, of course, but still walking (in a kinda swaying style, hence my nickname at school – Michael Jackson). Yet, I must say that I was a funny and very polite guy (the fruits of a good education), and that my friendship was pretty much appreciated. That’s how I became also Tina’s close friend. Sparing you the tedious details, we are now in 1990’s colorful fall (like falls usually are in my country, kinda like New England style you know), at the beginning of our college studies (yes, ours, mine and Tina’s). My home town – Iasi – has one of the top Romanian universities, where we also were – Tina studying Russian and religion and yours truly with his French. She was living in my apartment (family friends and all), fact that, all cynicism put aside, was remarkably convenient for me. Oh, yes, and I was inlove with her. I don’t know if talking of love at first sight would be appropriate, yet seeing her that summer with some fiance-wanna be made me almost burst into tears. That August evening was a huge ordeal as I remember, with me heroicly holding a smile over the most suffocating pain imaginable. But I digress (again). Anyway, I guess this was the introduction (pretty small, huh ?) Ok, we are now in a dim-lighted day of the snowy winter of 1990 (and, oh yes, you’ve guessed already, winters are pretty snowy down here). She was crying, I suppose that I was to blame for that… I don’t know, a jealousy scene perhaps. And she was crying… making me like totally exposed… defeated… almost dead. Some writer genius should I be to describe how our lips touched then. Exactly like one would expect to happen… totally by magic… like from nowhere… that magnificent mouth was pressed to mine. And that soft perfumed body so close to me. Feeling all powerful, in that way that only a woman can make a man feel. I was strong, sexy, all the things that a guy would love to have for granted. For some time (minutes, seconds, I don’t know), that awkward guy, with his backward-bowed walk, was simply mister right for this most beautiful red-head. I’m telling you guys, the summer that followed (yeah, yeah, that one was hot too, forget about it :-) was, amongst shitty exams, jealous-angry recriminations and other problems, the most perfect love story for me. Not really sex, yet a lot of intimacy, curiosity, painful attraction, seas of tears, skies of laughter, and, of course, the warmest nearness and togetherness. The only ugly thing was the secrecy of the whole thing. Poor and handicapped, I was like committing sacrilege every time I was touching that perfect skin. You don’t see the princess fooling around with the court jester, right ? Yet, I was too happy to give a damn. I was just living the present… forgetting the past… ignoring the future. Stupidly happy you might say. Of course that reality finally got to me. It was to be expected… like for all the dreams of shadow floating on clouds of bliss. All it takes is a bit of wind. Or the summer vacation… in my case. Three months with her hipped rich friends and lovers wanna be were enough to get me back at square one. After all, after being with a bunch of tanned Adonisis, who wants to return to Quasimodo ? It was over before I knew it. The rest of my three college years were a nightmare, with Tina doing parties with big hunka guys while yours truly was fading more and more in his illness. I’ve hated her so much, and my mouth, yearning for her lips, was getting filled with bitter ironies and sour regrets. Then I threw myself into work, I was a great student, feared and despised (you cannot hate a handicapped person) by my colleagues, admired and liked (you cannot love a handicapped person) by my professors. Finally, the four college years ended, Tina left back to her home-town up north and got married. My temple was so easily profanated by the first prowler that came around. She is now a totally respectable teacher and mother of two blond cheeky boys. Every now and then she comes to visit… and each and every time I’m getting through heart-ripping sensations. I am still 19 you know, like back then, when a tear from her amber eyes was enough to spoil the loveliest day and a kiss from her coral lips was lifting me from the darkest pit of despair. I never knew if there is such thing as THE ONE for somebody. I’ve always felt (as still feel) like that about Tina. And since now I’m like totally ill and unable to properly use my limbs (and how one could ever express his love without being able to hug the most precious possession ?), I’m basking in the most complete cynicism and I’m telling to myself (I’m slapping myself with it) that one should fulfill at least some minimum requirements (like being able to walk and shake his fist up high) to be eligible to such a personal and soothing experience.

petr

Name: petr
Email: omega@gagmail.com
Date: 06 Apr 2008
Time: 12:53:01

Story

juntkedj7v

Name: yv1bcko05t
Email: fydtfu@hotmail.com
Date: 10 Apr 2008
Time: 02:50:29

Story

ivan

Name: ivan
Email: omega@gagmail.com
Date: 02 Apr 2008
Time: 23:56:50