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How have you dealt with relationships you lost because of your disability?

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Lost Relationships

Name: Kurt W. Franke
Email: kurty@optonline.net
Date: 06 Jul 2002
Time: 17:53:31

Story

LOST RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE YOU’RE DISABLED

I lose relationships every day. Often I consciously avoid seeing people because I don’t like the way I’m viewed and hence treated. Then I’ve lost a chance to establish a relationship. Whether it’s an acquaintance, a business friend, a friend of a friend or a lover, all those chances are gone forever because I never made myself available to establish a new relationship. I did this yesterday while visiting a popular bar where people enjoy talking and meeting others. Basically, I sat and did not say a word to anyone. As well, several weeks ago I was in a resort area and was invited to a very large barbeque and summer party but stayed by myself through the early night into the late night for the same reasons.

There’s no doubt these behaviors have resulted in lost relationships. The possibility to meet friends dwindles as precious opportunities are deliberately missed. Perhaps there was the chance of meeting someone interesting who could improve my life. What about a business opportunity appearing just because I was available and friendly at a summer party? All these possibilities do not exist because I’m not emotionally conducive to the part of life where most of the world lives: with people.

These are what I interpret as lost relationships. Lost relationships are part of our lives (the disabled) more than that of the able-bodied world. For a disabled person as myself, attempting to reconcile peace between my individual self and how the world perceives me because of my black sling, is an exhausting effort. In turn, I instinctually bypass that part of my life, which makes me uncomfortable and anxious.

These, as many of us know, are some of the biggest reasons for avoiding regular social occasions and celebrations, which most people anticipate with pleasure. As I’ve gotten older, I feel myself losing the necessary energy to battle through the everyday ramble of meeting people and establishing relationships.

The price paid for living in this predicament of mind is we (the disabled) must confront monstrous inner conflicts to achieve a presence of dignity about our inner selves. This is the necessary prerequisite to feeling good and proud of yourself so as to meet and greet and have fun with people, no matter their personal reaction to you and your disability.

Where and exactly how can we gain the social virtues necessary to establish relationships? Well friends, that’s a very personal question that surely only can be answered by you the disabled individual. Many times through these long years I’ve felt a heavy heart knowing I’ve lost something that will never be gotten again. To pass up an opportunity for love or friendship is surely one of the worst parts of regular life.

I now know what to expect. Those relationships will arrive only when they are welcomed by me; ready to grasp the never-to-be-gotten-again chances that life offers but only once.

Some are lucky to have seized that moment naturally. There are many others that search with eyes wide open only to get a glimpse of what will never be had. Letting these precious times pass without a chance to let life blossom for a priceless moment must be one of the most uncomfortable, ever-present feelings I carry with me as a disabled person. Thirty-two years living from adolescence to adulthood and the one topic that towers above all else is the lost time and the personal bypassing of opportunity related to my disability. Somehow, this ingrained attitude seems to be more of a curse than an obstacle, which can be confronted and beaten. These are the foundations for avoidance. Yes, sometimes I consciously avoid social situations that offer life’s excitement, opportunities, love, and all that the living world offers to me personally.

To miss life’s opportunities consciously is a sin. Those who have the potential to live life to it’s fullest and don’t are wrong. We, as disabled people have the opportunity to live an emotionally fulfilled life. Sometimes though, another chance slips through our fingers. Let’s not let that happen again…. ok?!……….

Copyright 2002 Kurt W. Franke All Rights Reserved

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