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No Friends & Then I Broke My Neck

Name: Catherine S. Perel
Email: perel@feist.com
Date: 29 Nov 1999
Time: 01:46:47

Story

As a child, I never had friends. I had acquaintances, especially during exams. In elementary school, I was smart, somewhat of a tomboy, swam too much, and played the clarinet too much. Did I have anyone I could count on through thick and thin? No; and guess what? Breaking my neck didn't help.

You get plenty of cards those first two or three weeks. Visitors are plentiful then, too. Unfortunately, most of the visitors were friends or acquaintances of my parents. I stayed in the hospital for ten weeks, and then started seventh grade. The only friend that I didn't share with my twin sister moved before the year was over.

My faults and barriers: I was still smart. I was on intermittent cath, which was not entirely effective. I didn't take shop. I wrote with a pen in my mouth. I did not handle eating utensils well. In short, I was the same gawky nerd save for swimming, the clarinet, but was in a wheelchair and after that first year, I spent a considerable amount of time in Denver having surgery. This was not conducive to friendship formation. I was 14 when I had my first "best" friend. He was 24 years older than I. His youngest daughter, whom I met when she was just three months in the womb. She will be 20 in March.

High School was no different. I began to recognize the problem, though. Their agony over a date for the prom was somewhat less important. They worried over college. I worried over surgery. Most of my acquaintances, experiences, and friendships were either adults, not my peers. I was, however, very popular during mid-terms and finals. I charged through the nose.

College held little difference. I met a friend who was closer to my age. We are still friends. Nonetheless, my concerns were always much different than those around me. I was an alien. I didn't like it, but I survived to go to graduate school and find the same held true there, too. Though I did make three or four friends. The rest are acquaintances and we keep in touch, but I made some true friends in my two years there and in the five years since my return. Nonetheless, as it was before, our daily concerns differed wildly and parties were pure torture.

I have a vague memory of what it was like not to be disabled. It slips from me a little more each day. That person and I are intimate strangers. It feels odd to be estranged from a group to which I had once been a member. What they lack is even the barest notion of what it is to be disabled, and they will always lack such knowledge until, G-d forbid, they should become disabled themselves -- until they join my group ... our group.

I can count my friends on one hand, perhaps two; my acquaintances on 300+ mailing labels. Just as with my grades, I can't help but wonder whether it is me or my disability.

Copyright © 1999 Catherine S. Perel. All rights reserved.

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