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How have you dealt with relationships you lost because of your disability?
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Name: Betty Alfred
Email: astrobrd@aol.com
Date: 23 Nov 1999
Time: 07:17:32
I don't miss friends from my teenage years. We had adolescent fun, and went our individual ways in adulthood. Our separations occured by mutual agreement. We were all moving on, and there were no bad feelings.
Adult friendships are a little more complex.
We make choices for ourselves that help define who our friends will be. I have chosen to be straightforward about disability rights issues. More than my disability, that has narrowed down my field of friends dramatically. I recognize that I've made that choice. It hurts sometimes. I've watched people fall away as a result.
I can think of a worse fate than losing friends because of my convictions.
The people who had to feel good all the time were the first people to vanish after I became disabled. I didn't count them as friends to begin with so they weren't a loss. The second wave was composed of people who traditionally hang around for a little while, and move on when they see that the friendship isn't always going to be convenient.
I'll give one of these people credit for her honesty, even though it came a little late in the game. She politely but firmly told me that she was just being nice to me because I had become disabled. At the time I thought we were building a friendship, so I was incredulous. But at least she had the courage to finally tell the truth.
The third wave is happening now, but unlike the first and second waves, I'm in charge of this operation. These are the people who will theorize incessantly about the murder of JonBenet Ramsey, but don't care about the murder of Tracy Latimer. Adios!
Then, there are the people who didn't bail. They do not regard me as an oddity, an inconvenience, a lessor, or a novelty. They regard me as a person.
I haven't lost any friends.
Copyright © (1999) (Betty Alfred). All rights reserved..
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Name: Susan
Email: ssschaff9@aol.com
Date: 11 Sep 2004
Time: 14:04:33
I have arthrogryposis too! Our disbility is pretty rare. I am in a motorized wheelchair and drive. You sound happy. I have been at times but I'm not working now so I could be a lot happier than I am. I would like to have a home business. Any ideas?
