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We've Gotta Be Crazy

Name: Barbara Hepplewhite
Email: BarbarafromOH@webtv.net
Date: 26 Jan 2000
Time: 20:52:13
Remote Name: proxy-634.public.rwc.webtv.net

Story

If we, especially as disabled people, are ever going to improve our lives, we have to take risks that even for normal people would be considered just plain crazy.

For instance, I know a 40-year-old woman with no known disability who has never held a steady job or been married because her father takes such good care of her. She recently tried being a postal worker but was fired because she was missing whole sections of town due to the presence of dangerous dogs. She is not crazy. Why should she leave something that is comfortable and known to test her wings? None of us would ever leave comfort and security for that which is not known except that we must be crazy. If we weren't crazy, nothing would ever change.

As they say, no pain, no gain.

I have had Multiple Sclerosis since I was a teenager, but was misdiagnosed as a mental case. I realize now that this was entirely due to lies told about me by my ex-husband, and the fact that I do have a neurological problem. I knew I was never psychotic, yet I gave up on doctors for over 25 years because I was convinced that whatever was wrong they couldn't diagnose it. But they could very well have killed me with their treatments for my alleged psychosis.

So even though I was sick and didn't even have a job, I packed up my 3 preschoolers and left my abusive marriage. In my case, I didn't feel I had any choice. If I had known then what I know now, I would have been even more frightened than I was.

I didn't stand a chance, but I really didn't have a choice. By now his abuse was extending to our children. My psychiatric diagnosis made him drunk with power.

I took a risk, an even bigger one than I was imagining, but it worked out. My children and grandchildren are the light of my life. I made mistakes with them, but they couldn't be more perfect in spite of it.

I don't take risks anymore because I don't have to. I have everything I need except my health. At least I had the courage when I needed it. At this point, taking care of my health is a full time job. I have to have a throat biopsy done today. It won't be pleasant, but I've done harder things than this.

Copyright © 2000 Barbara Hepplewhite. All rights reserved.

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